“Is it even possible to have a girlfriend in middle school without it being awkward, cringey, or pointless?”
That was the exact question I asked my cousin, who’s now a school counsellor, when I was twelve years old and feeling like the only boy in school who had never even talked to a girl outside group projects. Looking back, I now realise middle school relationships are less about the grand romantic gestures and more about learning to connect with people—especially when you’re just beginning to understand yourself.
In this guide, you won’t find cheesy pick-up lines or recycled tips pulled from the internet. What you will find are relatable stories, advice from real school counsellors and psychologists, and actionable tips on how to genuinely build a connection at a time when everyone’s still figuring things out.
Let’s dive in.
Understanding the Middle School Mindset
You’re Both Still Learning About Relationships
Middle school is the training ground for social development. According to Dr. Lisa Damour, a clinical psychologist and bestselling author on adolescent development, “Friendships and crushes during this age are more about exploration and identity than lasting romantic partnerships.” (NYTimes)
What You Want vs What You Think You Should Want
Here’s the truth most kids won’t tell you: wanting a girlfriend in middle school is often more about fitting in than real connection. I remember wanting a girlfriend simply because my friend Ben had one. Only later did I realise I hadn’t actually liked the girl—I just didn’t want to feel left out.
Ask yourself: Do I want this because I genuinely like someone, or because I think I’m supposed to?
Step-by-Step: Get a Girlfriend in Middle School
1. Start by Being a Friend First
This may sound like a broken record, but it’s true. If you’re not comfortable talking to her in a normal setting, how do you expect to build something deeper?
I once liked a girl named Sarah in Year 7. Instead of blurting out my feelings, I got to know her during science class, where we were both terrible at circuits. We laughed, we shared snacks, and slowly built a friendship. Only after that did I bring up how I felt—and she said yes.
2. Be Confident, But Not Cocky
Confidence in middle school isn’t about swagger. It’s about being comfortable in your own skin. Try joining a club, playing a sport, or volunteering in class. These things help you grow as a person—and girls tend to notice someone who’s passionate and self-assured.
Pro tip: If you’re nervous about talking to her, prepare a few things you could say. Ask about her favourite show or if she’s going to the school dance. Keep it casual.
3. Learn to Read Social Cues
This might be one of the most underrated skills in school life. If she’s smiling when you talk to her, if she asks questions back, if she looks for you during lunch—these are green lights.
On the other hand, if she’s giving one-word replies, looking at her phone, or avoiding you, she may not be interested. Respect that and move on with dignity.
4. Be Kind and Genuine
Dr. Mitch Prinstein, professor of psychology at UNC Chapel Hill, found that “likeability” in school has more to do with kindness and authenticity than popularity. In other words, being the funny guy who helps others goes a long way.
Avoid showing off, making fun of others to look cool, or trying too hard. Middle schoolers can spot fake behaviour a mile away.
What to Say When You’re Ready
When the time feels right (and it will feel right if you’ve built trust and rapport), here’s a non-cringe way to ask:
“Hey, I’ve really liked spending time with you lately. Would you maybe want to hang out sometime after school?”
It doesn’t need to be a grand declaration of love. Just show that you enjoy her company and want to spend more time together.
FAQs:
Is it too early to have a girlfriend?
Not necessarily. As long as it’s built on friendship and mutual respect, early relationships can be a healthy part of growing up. Just remember—it’s not about serious dating; it’s about learning how to relate.
What if she says no?
Rejection is part of life. If she says no, don’t take it personally. It doesn’t mean you’re not good enough. It just means she’s not in the same place—and that’s okay.
Should I text her all the time?
Nope. Texting 24/7 can be overwhelming. Keep it casual. A few fun or thoughtful messages throughout the week are better than bombarding her phone.
Can I get a girlfriend if I’m shy?
Absolutely. In fact, shyness can be endearing if you’re kind, respectful, and open. Plenty of people appreciate thoughtful listeners over loud talkers.
Mistakes to Avoid
- Trying to be someone else. Middle schoolers often imitate others to seem cool. Be yourself—it lasts longer.
- Telling your entire friend group. Keep things private. Girls (and guys) don’t want their business all over the lunchroom.
- Thinking you need to be in a relationship. You don’t. If it happens naturally, great. If not, focus on friendships and hobbies.
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Takeaways: Building Something Real
- Focus on friendship first.
- Be confident in who you are.
- Look for genuine connection—not popularity points.
- Handle rejection with grace.
- Be kind, listen well, and stay true to yourself.
Middle school is a weird, wonderful, and sometimes awkward phase of life. If you’re thinking about getting a girlfriend, ask yourself what kind of connection you want—and whether you’re ready to be a respectful, caring friend first.
If you’ve had an experience like this or a question no one’s answered, leave a comment below—I’d love to hear your story.
